WHAT 2 in one day

I'm a fairly self aware person, well I think so, my friends will probably say otherwise...but I think I am and that's what counts, right? Either way I spend a large amount of my waking time analyzing myself picking at the flaws I need to address and trying to do that. I know my patterns I know myself and give myself very little leway.

So this week when I could normally expect myself to break and crumble yet I stayed strong, I was impressed. When I found myself stood up by somone I didn't internalize but accepted it...now that my friends is personal growth!

Now the next thing that concerns me is what if I become too distant?

Among other things going on with me:

At work I have finally fallen into the stride of things. I have gotten the accreditation I needed and guidence. Next comes my half yearly appraisal where I basically need to sell myself... Which should be fun... But something I can normally do quite well

Seany is still doing late shifts most nights and I miss him, a lot we haven't had that much time together and when we have well we had things to do so I haven't really had quality time together. He had his boy down which was great I love and miss Ben as much as Seany but I am always mindefull of their relationship and gave them time together, which is ok because I know how happy they are and how they need that time together to really make their relationship stronger. I know I'm important to Ben but I know the bond between Master and boy is very special. Either way Seany is off again in a few days which is good but I think we need to plan for this. If we dont we won't do anything and while I'm a little strapped for cash we can't really just go ok let's travel around a bit. Instead it may be just a few days doing nice couply things thst we have missed so much. I'm one of those that loves the simple things in life, so mebbe a picknic somwhere...now that's a good idea
I love the fact that we can just spend time together and not even need to talk...we just know what's going on in each others minds (me = not much, him = sex)

Boys... Well we have boys that need help in more than one way boys that make promises and Sean (no not Seany but Sean). I can't remember if I've blogged about him.

We had chatted ages ago and the day we started chatting again was around when he was supposed to be away on holiday...and he woukd have been if not for a strange and sad series of events.

His grandpa died-he canceled his holiday- he was bored so signed on- I thought he was somone else

So we started talking, and he said he wasn't interested then got curious... So I explained basically what's been in my blog... We hit it off

He comes round a few days later and we talk propperly and really hit it off. And I cam see things click into place for him and it's amazing and he can't belive it. The next week we have his grandpas funeral and then a suppposed family dinner...which for a number of reasons he doesn't turn up to and sends his appologies. I give him another go which again he sends his appologies...but the mans still in mourning

Now comes the hard part for me the juggling trick. He's distant and I'm not sure what to do. I'm avoiding my normal hussy fit look at me response (growth, personal growth!) and trying to work to his terms. But I'm not sure what to do. We MAY be meeting this Friday but I'm not sure because of funds and other things. And if we do I'm just going to have to treat it as if were starting again I think...

BUT it seems we both have things we need to deal with, so do I try and stretch myself and possibly fail or wait and possibly lose him? Either way I risk looking like a fool..again