A grain of trust

So I've been seeing a lot of one guy recently...cocktail guy. We have met a few times chatted and txted a lot...and I see something in him. Yes he's bold camp so overtly confident, but there is something timid and shy that needs love and nurturing and you all know how much i like doing that. Although I do get the feeling he has the wrong idea about me.

I invited him to mine to sit in the sun and have a drink which he kept saying no to... I asked him why and he said in a deadly serious voice that he thought I may get him drunk then use that to my advantage. You could see the look of somone that had been hurt before...but even when I had assured him that's very far from the truth (if only he knew how shy sexually I am he may understand) he was and prolly is still warey. While I know it's not my failt it still kinda hurt, I think I'm very trustworthy and I think I demonstrate that...

Mind you between that and a few other things it kinda makes me want to look after him more, I think he could be quite special...all I need is that grain of trust

Happy Bday Me

So today was my bday, lets get the good out of the way. My best friend..well kinda best friend and my bf took me out to lunch. We ate 120 quids worth (we didnt pay that mind) of dim sum and I would have kept going if it wasnt for the fact that service went down hill...I think they got fed up of bringing me Har Kau
Seany made sure that he made a fuss of me, he made sure I knew he loved me and. I hadnt seen Eddie in ages, and it was great to see him too...all in all it was nice just to spend time with them and I really appreciated the fact they re-arranged their day and their work so they could see me.
Oh and the birthday wheat free parsnip and caramel cake was AMAZING
Now onto the not so great side. I decided after lunch to go back and change, I was dripping after walking round London in the heat...so headed back. The flatmates still hadnt told me about the party I knew they were having (incase you hadnt read yesterdays post, flatmates bday is next week, he decided to have his party on the same day as my bday, hasnt told me or invited me) Im confronted by a group of people that I used to think of as friends around the time i was involved with the "club".

Its like a comedy sketch, I walk in, and they turn round with the look of "wtf is he doing here". I say hello to all of them and they ignore me...I have never felt so unwelcome in my own flat. I have no wish to stay around at somones party when im not invited, when the people who are organising it dont want me to be a part of it.

Now i have always had a thing about my personal space. It stems from the times when I had lots of secrets to hold, and my parents would rifle though my bed room. So having them doing that multiple times, and it NEVER lead to anythign good. So this means I HATE having somone in my bedroom when im not there, or when I havent said they can go in. Im also a neat freak, you wouldnt know it but I am..especially with my bedroom. So when I go to change, and I find that EVERYTHING thats in the living room has been shoved in my bedroom, not in a tidy way but just dropped in...including my bday cake that was in the kitchen...I wanted to kill ppl

Small mercy, my exe would have been there, and I looked good...so meh. But now unfortunatly I have no one to spend the rest of the day with, and need to get out of the flat. I wander round town as much as i can, I sit in Canary Wharf park which might just be the most beautiful park I have ever seen...I am so going back there.

But then I have to come back, and I do it just as my ex is leaving (he didnt see me) and again, I have the "why is he here" look...I want to move

Emotional rollar coaster

So today has been s bit of a strange one. Last night the boy and I went for drinks with a cute lad I'd met before (cocktail guy) we all had a great time, and both of us were trying to entice him back to the flat...we didn't manage it but it was great and affirming to see just how comfortable we are in our relationship. Seany and I came back and we started talking, it was then that I could see how much effort he had put into me having a good bday. I'm on the train back from borough Market where he bought my first ever bday cake. The boy has definitly learnt it's the little things that matter to me. What really touched me was I have 4 cards today one from him mum..which made me, well melt

However on the way out of the flat I noticed a new BBQ and a bag full of stuff for it. It's only then that I learnt my flatmate (who's bday is a week after mine) has decided to not only have his bday party on my actual bday but nit only not suggest a joint party...he's just decided not to tell me...again I have no frame of reference but something in me says it's fairly rude to do that. I honestly hope to god they don't get me anything for mine as I know they would resent getting me one.

At borough Market (while fiercely cursing the mates) I couldn't help being reminded of Jersey, things like king scallops which I used to pot for brought back memories and then I walked past a scrumpy stall...and then noticed the Burley sign.

Each year we used to go to Hampshire. We would always drive through Burley where we would wander round buy fudge and cider and have a picknick. On one of the times we bought wine a beautiful elderflower wine, and this I spotted at the stall...allong with the minatures I used to buy. I bought one and had a taste of the scrumpy and that was it...all I could think of was them and I had to hold back the tears. I went and bought another bottle to send them, I can't face talking to them but they will know who sent it and know I'm alive.

The worrying thing is I wanna call them and tell them I'm engaged and so in love and happy.

Great success

Success! I met somone off grindr. We had started chatting about kink and meeting up for sex...but then we met up for drinks...and I remembered

I remembered what it felt like to go to a cocktail bar after work, to meet an adult, recline in a leather chair and drink things with too many ingridients that took too long to make...and it felt good.

The only places I miss from jersey are 1 beach, 1 cafe, 2 resteraunts and about 5 bars... 2 of them being amazing cocktail places.

Nick, the person I met with...I think he started out trying to impress me to cover his shyness, but I don't impress easily especially when somone is TRYING to impress me...shame he came off as a toff ( ;) )

Luckily he warmed up, and a lovely charming and sweet personality. Thank god for meeting new ppl, them turning up and not being a psyco!

Birthday

I feel the same way about my birthday as I do about getting my test results back from the hospital...with a sense of gritting my teeth, steeley determination and the phrase "right let's be having ya" bouncing around inside my brain.

Seanys not off for it, so will prolly spend the day wandering round Westfield with my kinda best friend...

Today will be a moany day I think. Look outside see what weather we are having in London and know that mirrors my mood.

Last might I felt truly fucked over by a multitude of people...it would take too long to go into but suffice to say...with potential pets I demand (and I don't think this is a bad thing) loyalty and honesty, and I make this clear. I will admit I am a jealous person, and so if either of those are broken...I'm not likely to forgive easily. Also anyone who knows me knows I'm ..well I can suprise people, if they had talked to me and been honest I prolly would have understood and helped...oh well

Also another person owes me and Seany £170 he's unemployed and too broke to pay it back...but supprisingly had games and kink gear delivered yesterday....

And now to finish this circle, look at the fucking weather, and I have no brolly..I look a fucking mess. My hair is both curly and straight, my shirt creased and my trousers soaked...

On the up side my Seany is back from Leeds, and I don't think I could have missed him more. I love there is somone who's entire body i know and turns me on...coupled with somone who actually knows how my mind works (only one other of those, and they don't turn me on). Every previous relationship seems a joke...but at least I know what they should be like now

So today I was going to bitch and moan, it's my time of the month and constant shit seems to be happening. I'm becoming disheartened with things tired and annoyed.

However in the past 10 mins something happened. While having a cig with a friend of mine she let slip I had been the subject of discussion last nigh at a work night. I am always me I don't put on faces and try no to hide behinds masks and it seems it has been recognised. I found it lovely to hear hthat yes while people didn't know how to deal with me they now see that is me... I haven't changed. To hear somone who I didn't think got me say how they thought I had a heart of gold and wouldn't say a bad thing about anyone was lovely and made me grin.

Katie also asked about Seany if he minded me going off to other places and going out without him, she knew we have an open relationship of sorts. She asked if that had stopped..after being told how honest it was...well I told her I'm polyamourous..."so what there are 4 people in a relationship?" no...3

In her credit she just accepted it, asked who the third was and smiled (you could see in her mind going...right hold on a mo...ok it's Joel makes sense). I'm lucky to have people like that who while she may not understand it knows I wouldn't do anything behind anyones back, and will only look out for people.

I think I'd like my eppitaph to say..."He tried to help everyone, and even succeded with a few"...which is better than my previous idea of "He always knew he would die this way, impaled on a catapult driven narwhale" or "Hoped he wouldn't cause the appocalypse but knew he might"

Seany went back up to Leeds yesterday (to visit family, he hasn't finally seen the light and left me) and won't be around until friday. By some stroke of luck both of the flatmates were out too, so I had a free house..for once (hurrah)

Do you think I could get ANYONE around? No, no I couldn't. Not even a friend to watch a film...no one. I think fate likes to conspire against me. I find that there will be a series of events that go to plan but I will fall at the final hurdle... Normally when it comes to involve others

I'm planning on going to BBB in a few days, planning to meet a few guys there...who wants to bet none will turn up?

Also I hate sleeping alone, I woke up at 4 to check if he was there

Blank post lol

Today I feel like blogging about... (waits for inspiration)

Lord i dunno....there are 14 men in the tube carriage I'm in and none of them are attractive. Yesterday while out with Seany on the tube we spotted the most beautiful boy, can't have been older than 18...Swedish I think blond blue eyed with a perfect smile. He kept looking and smiling at us. Now Seany and I are both fairly confident we have to be with both our work and personal lives...but we couldn't go and say hi...we just couldn't

All I wanted to do was write my name and number on some paper walk over smile and say "hi I'm Joel, I think your really cute...gimme a call sometime"...while not forgetting to give him my number. But I couldn't my heartbeat doubled and I felt like I was gonna be sick at the thought of it. The funniest thought that went through my head was god I'd hate it if I tried to give me my number...god get some self confidence!

So next time, even though I doubt I will see somone as drop dead gorgeous as him (appart from Seany of course) I will try and view it like abseiling...scary as fuck, I could fall from a grey height onto my face...but I will probably feel elated once I've done it and if it pays off...

Ps. Fuck I've just changed for the bakerloo line and I've just left my brolly on the central grr

On another note, I find a gay racist saying he gets it from his parents ironic...mine are homophobic

One day late

So after yesterday I have decided to cut my losses. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere, maybe there was the spark and now he's too busy...or maybe not, either way meh

Instead as seems to happen to me more and more lately people who I have spoken to months ago have started to show interest. In true bus style not one but 3 people have shown interest. Two who I had spoken to for some time and one person. All 3 seemed to have had the wrong idea about slavery, one showing particular trepidation.

While I can only hope it works out with all 3 (whaaaat I'm greedy) if nothing else I may be able to help guide them to what they want and release them from some taboos. With each of these I have seen something special, something they could be cultivated

We shall just have to see how good I am

Meh

Because I worked Sunday, I have today off, by some miricle Seany also has today off. Its been nice to have a nice day together, playing games and chatting . We havent had much time together and so its nice to be able to kinda refresh and do the couply things Ive missed.
However I had (before I knew seany was going to be off) arranged to go and see the boy I liked. This is the person who I met and there was that instant spark, and he was saying he felt it too. There was the connection I had been looking for for ages (btw if people dont understand why im seeing another boy while engaged to Seany...look up my posts about poly). Now for the first week of chatting we were texting constnatly all the time. Now, well, there are suddenly fewer txts...a lot fewer...and now im not sure what to do. Anyway we had arranged to meet and i sent a txt yesterday saying...well are we doing anything...if so what..and I got nothing back...3 txts later and a msg on Grindr i get a message saying I dont think we can meet. WONDERFUL.

I think what people who do this dont realise...I may like to make plans, if you cant meet FINE im a big boy I can handle that...JUST TELL ME so I can work out what to do instead.

Unfortunatly this also means that I think I need to give up on this boy, which is a shame as he did tick all the boxes of what I needed, and I him. So now I either need to make a choice as to whether to start again or to bother. I have gone through all the normal things of clubs and most sites...and ive had terrible luck, things like this just keep happening.

So...what do I do?

In the meantime im becoming fairly jaded about the whole thing..being let down that much will do that to you. whenever I meet somone who is cute I will imediatly think...oh they say they like me...but...we all know whats going to happen.

SO im going to try and enjoy my days with Seany, and try and not think about it...but anyone who knows me knows I need this so much that thats not going to work that well...oh well

Karma is

So karma, the bitch that is, has finally come back to bite old friends.

Several years ago I went to the second nigh of a kink club with my partner at the time. There were a handful of people there with everyone looking bashful and standing in corners (appart from the one old guy in the sling just waiting). We sat down had a drink and tried with little avail to chat to people, and then we got chatting to the owner. He said that he had expected more and he would love a bit of a show...we offered to teach people shibari. He declined but we kept chatting

My situation at the time was I was unemployed, was having major family problems and finally trying to realise who I was.

The Owner (from now on O) asked me to get involved. I arranged to put on a show created an icon for publicity and started marketting. Yes O was involved in so much as he made suggestions. We had many a drunken night where he tried to get inside my head, where he found out what it was I wanted...but I did the grunt work. The next club night (from now on C) was a big success with double the crowd and more conversation and entertainment than before.

I built the club up managed to keep that fine line between advertising and annoyance. I set up business contacts with kink shops and on the night would set up then act as both front of house and entertainment. It was wearing, and a lot of work all while trying to job hunt

By this time my money was getting VERY stretched with me needing to lean in my parents for help...which wasn't a great thing. I wasnt paid by the club, and would have to buy things for shows. I was well known as tge face of C and spent half my life fielding questions from scared noobs and just general stuff. I had split up with my pup and found myself falling for somone O had liked. So I did the honourable thing and asked him if he minded he said no he didn't so off I went. Fell in love yet, and I only found thus out when 2 mutual friends of O got together one who he liked...I saw him spreading rumours behind their backs telling the partners nasty things about their other half.

This man was clever and trying to play ches with peoples lives...and succeding

The nights were huge success' now and we were full almost to capacity, and people were happy. I was still doing front of house, guarding noobs and showing and making sure people were playing safe. We had traveled up to Manchester where it had once again been successful but I had wanted to kill people.

The team of people that we had had become close. However I was diagnosed as being bipolar and my depression spiraled. The boy and I had split and now I was being told I wasn't committed to the club...after all I had done. The next club night I felt far too I'll and told them...and that was it I was effectivly cut off by everyone from the club.

And them the interesting things started happening. All the plans I had arranged O started to try and do, rumours about me. I even had one boy who I had been looking to take on say he had been told by this person that he wasn't my type and I would never take him on...which was exactly what the boy needed to hear for him to run.

Even though I was never paid O had always paid for cute impressionable boys to come down and stay with him, plying them with drink in the vain hope hey would sleep with him.

Later on when I got my reputation back the C team started coming to me. This was especially true after it was seen with him trying to use a young boy to discredit another Dom. O had not only bought alcohol but other treats. He himself had become addicted (I have a copy of an intervention letter pleading him to stop) and had done demos under the influence...something I find scarey. On the one time I went back I saw demos done with rope where circulation in limbs was being cut off due to bad ropework and we had to step in.

There have been many other things this person has done to others making threats that would harm him too and when I get asked should I go there I say no. There isn't the same atmosphere there should be and I'm not confident people stick to rules.

The worrying part for me is that O seems to contact only the young and impressionable and as a Master I worry over what they then think one should be....yes I don't think he is good for others, for noobs or for the community

Luckily tho karma is coming around and things are coming to light...finally

The next station is...

I love watching people on the tube, and I love nothing more than watching women put on makeup...and let's face it if you decide to do it on the tube you have to expect to be watched... I know I do when I'm slapping on the guyliner.

But it seems to me that the tube is treated as an extension of our own houses, I know that I have and do get ready at home (missing brekkie) and it's like my morning routine will pause, with me in a state of semi-disaray. I will then (as I did this morning even though I was late) get something to eat from the shop and wait till I'm on a train before starting my routine again. Putting on cream if my skin needs it (I have eczema so my skin needs lots of tending too) my under eye stuff that wakes them up and eating. Basically finish my morning routine, exiting the train feeling a little more ready for the world.

It seems that whatever we can get away with doing on the tube we will...which I love as it means I get to (sorry slight interlude - just on the bakerloo platform and holy FUCK it's hot) see inside their lives, just little glipses not much... And as the time honoured saying goes, you show me yours...

Ps

I'm under the delusion that people actually enjoy wading my weird rants...if you do comment I would like this to be a little interactive

WHAT 2 in one day

I'm a fairly self aware person, well I think so, my friends will probably say otherwise...but I think I am and that's what counts, right? Either way I spend a large amount of my waking time analyzing myself picking at the flaws I need to address and trying to do that. I know my patterns I know myself and give myself very little leway.

So this week when I could normally expect myself to break and crumble yet I stayed strong, I was impressed. When I found myself stood up by somone I didn't internalize but accepted it...now that my friends is personal growth!

Now the next thing that concerns me is what if I become too distant?

Among other things going on with me:

At work I have finally fallen into the stride of things. I have gotten the accreditation I needed and guidence. Next comes my half yearly appraisal where I basically need to sell myself... Which should be fun... But something I can normally do quite well

Seany is still doing late shifts most nights and I miss him, a lot we haven't had that much time together and when we have well we had things to do so I haven't really had quality time together. He had his boy down which was great I love and miss Ben as much as Seany but I am always mindefull of their relationship and gave them time together, which is ok because I know how happy they are and how they need that time together to really make their relationship stronger. I know I'm important to Ben but I know the bond between Master and boy is very special. Either way Seany is off again in a few days which is good but I think we need to plan for this. If we dont we won't do anything and while I'm a little strapped for cash we can't really just go ok let's travel around a bit. Instead it may be just a few days doing nice couply things thst we have missed so much. I'm one of those that loves the simple things in life, so mebbe a picknic somwhere...now that's a good idea
I love the fact that we can just spend time together and not even need to talk...we just know what's going on in each others minds (me = not much, him = sex)

Boys... Well we have boys that need help in more than one way boys that make promises and Sean (no not Seany but Sean). I can't remember if I've blogged about him.

We had chatted ages ago and the day we started chatting again was around when he was supposed to be away on holiday...and he woukd have been if not for a strange and sad series of events.

His grandpa died-he canceled his holiday- he was bored so signed on- I thought he was somone else

So we started talking, and he said he wasn't interested then got curious... So I explained basically what's been in my blog... We hit it off

He comes round a few days later and we talk propperly and really hit it off. And I cam see things click into place for him and it's amazing and he can't belive it. The next week we have his grandpas funeral and then a suppposed family dinner...which for a number of reasons he doesn't turn up to and sends his appologies. I give him another go which again he sends his appologies...but the mans still in mourning

Now comes the hard part for me the juggling trick. He's distant and I'm not sure what to do. I'm avoiding my normal hussy fit look at me response (growth, personal growth!) and trying to work to his terms. But I'm not sure what to do. We MAY be meeting this Friday but I'm not sure because of funds and other things. And if we do I'm just going to have to treat it as if were starting again I think...

BUT it seems we both have things we need to deal with, so do I try and stretch myself and possibly fail or wait and possibly lose him? Either way I risk looking like a fool..again

A Master is...

Part of the reason, I belive, that Masters are viewed with such suspision is the fact that most people belive we chose the weak. That if I have a slave they must be weak minded, mentally damaged individuals who have been brain washed and beaten into submission. Admitadly this could be a similar reaction to when I introduce my fiancé - people just think I'm too dumb or ugly to have such a man, intact the only way I could possibly have somone like him is if ge were blind deaf and dumb...personally I say it would help but that's another story.

Personally I belive that the common view is that Masters prey on the weak. Pluck those that don't know better or can't defend themselves and then beat and mentally degrade the person until they submit.

Again I need to preface what I will say next with; The below is true of GOOD Masters ( Masters being used as anyone whatever gender who owns slaves) there are and always will be twats out there so use common sense and interview the Master before submitting. The below is only somewhat true of Doms.

I will admit it here and now, I like broken boys. Ones who are perfectly level headed don't interest me anywhere as much as a broken boy. I know it kind of seems to go against what I just said but hear me out for a sec.

There are many people out there who when they look for a house they look for "fixer-uppers" ones thst are damaged in someway. They do this because they enjoy renovating the property. They will see something about it that they fall in love with and then see in their minds eye just how amazing it could be if somone put the time and effort in. Yes, they may knock parts or even the majority of the house down, but they will keep and enhance the bit they fell in love with. Chances are, if they had shown this little run down cottage to anyone else, and then gone on to say "isn't it beautiful, don't you think it will look amazing" the friend would have said "no....you twat". Or my friends would.

Being a Master is similar. You see something, a glint or a spark...just something. Then you see just how amazing that person could be if the time and effort was put in. I would like to point out, "how amazing that person could be" does not translate to "how good a cocksucker that person could be". I have said I go for broken boys, I say that because often there is something so amazing but they just don't see it. It could be their willingness to please (which is currently getting them walked all over and just needs direction), their capacity to love or even just how smart they are. Maybe they don't see it or need their confidence/self worth/sense of self worked on...but either way you see something that you want to cultivate because you KNOW that person is great now but could be absolutly stunning.

Another myth I'd like to bust. I do NOT want a pushover. I want somone who will, in a respectful way, test me to see if I'm worth him submitting too. I like cheeky subs, admitadly everything should be done with respect... But if they know where the line is it's like showing that their submission to me is a part of normal life for them.

My ideal slave does not cower before me but kneels proudly. Proud of his owner, proud of the service he provides and more importantly proud of the person he has become. He knows his place and does not view himself as second best, after all why would his Master want anything but the best admitadly he may not understand that all the time, but still knows it's true and knows his Master sees him as something special not just as a fucktoy. He knows his Master will be there to guide and teach him to show him how his true self and how strong and content that person can be. His Master may not micro manage, control every little part of his life, but is happy that he has given all of himself over to one person to control in whatever way they wish and trusts that person to do only what he thinks will better the slave

A slave I talked to recently explained that whatever happened she knew that her Master viewed her as a "treasures posetion" and that's the way it should be

Nb all gender references I have used are interchangable... Well except he ones I used about myself lol

A birthday party for a friend

So I have decided that as this blog is my own invention I will post things that are close and personal to me as I find it interesting to see peoples reactions and more than a little cathartic. I will try however to avoid talking about private matters that involve others. While I may moan about my own shortfallings in the relationship, which to be sure there are enough... I will avoid moaning (too much) about my other half...as it's just not loyal. I will also try and avoid talking about things that affect others who haven't given their consent to be written about.

With my privacy code in place, I am going to move away from what is really weighing on my mind and move onto my birthday.

In 20 days I will turn 25. There are a few reasons I am less than happy about this.

1. Seany is 26, when he turned 25 the amount of grief I gave him was unreal...karma baby :(

2. I am now truly in the gay no-mans land. I am not a twink nor do I look like one, and I certainly am not a daddy...I'm neither of the 2 main groups young guys are attracted too...it's the gay death

3. It means I have to have an actual birthday.

Now I have slight hangup about birthdays. When I was young (cos I'm old now see) my family didn't celibrate birthdays. All of my friends would thunk this was horrible as next to Xmas (another day left unmarked) this was the best day out there. It was a day where everyone showed what you meant to them (I wonder if people get hate mail on their bday?!?)

So when I moved over and went to some parties I could see it. I finally understood, and yes for some it's an excuse to get the things Santa didn't bring, for others an excuse to get wasted. But for most it's a celebration of getting through another year and people showing they are glad you have.

The last 2 parties I had over in London all went... Well dismally. One was instrumental in my relationship breaking up the other... Well the excuse "I can't a boys coming down for sex" was used.

So now my view has reverted back to "it's just another day". This doesn't bother me so much, admitadly I would love the big party but I'm realistic. However when I tell others this, the shock, it's like I kicked a puppy. So now i have to work out what to do, for them...I'm still a fan of running off somwhere and hiding, or maybe getting all my enemies together for a fight, that could work

My mind works in strange ways

Ok so as, generally speaking all the interesting ideas come to me while I'm out and about I've decided to try and blog on my iPhone. Let's see how well this goes!?!?

Yesterday I had a strange realisation. It was a simple moment... Seany had ruined another sheet by spilling poppers on them (as you do) and so we were in debenhams looking at new sheets. We got onto talking about our new flat, the one we will be moving into, and I mentally started to pick things out for it. We sectioned off areas that we would both decorate, and stated things we would no allow in the flat. It wasn't much but it was enough to make me smile, and kept me smiling for a bit. The simple realisation that yes this was he first full on adult relationship, and that the ones I had previously were just kids pretending. Kids playing at happily ever after and not realising he work that you need to put in. I'm at the stage where eveythint is VERY real. Thinking about our future ( Those who know me know I DO NOT PLAN ) and making those hypothetical hard questions... What would I do if...

I know I have prolly said it before and I've prolly said it about others without realising the full weight behind the words... But... It feels like I'm going to be stuck with thus one for a long long time. This realisation, which to be fair is something I've know since about a week after I met Seany, has actually led me to interesting questions. I've always been a DNR, meaning if I'm in a situation where a doctor needs to do life saving work in a you either take this or die, I would refuse. Now I'm not sure, I don't think I could do it. Not because I think it's a cheats way out...cos I still technically agree with it...it's just I don't actually think Seany could survive without me. And if I did go I now see why people try and plan for their death so their other half doesn't have to. It's not morbid to plan these things it's actually showing just how much you love them. For most it is a statement of "I will face this so you don't have to" and for most the thought of heir own death is a scary one.

On another note my friend and I have decided there should be a new protocol for trying to pick people up. The conversation should go something like this;

Me - "hey I'm Joel"
Him- "hi I'm ***"
Me - "cool, I think your cute"
Him - "your kind of ruggedly handsome in a troll under the bridge way"
Me - "....thanks"
Him - "some of my best friends are..."
Me - "ok yeah I get the idea. Aaanyway I would rather like to take you home and fornicate"
Him - "sounds fun"
Me - "after that I'd like to tie you up and whip you"
Him - "aces"
Me - "with a view to owning and training you as a slave"
Him - "all sounds good to me, when do I get my collar?"

We thought if EVERYONE just stopped playing around having second agendas it would all be so much easier! So, people try it lay your cards on the table and see what happens

50's Household vs Master / slave

As a Master I often get asked, how it works, how the relationships work the power dynamics form...and why on earth I would chose something so out of the norm. So I thought I would FINALLY get round to explaining myself.

Firstly I would like to talk a bit about "normal" relationships. We have been brought up that the Man is the breadwinner, he is the head of the household and controls the roost. Below him is the dutiful Wife who will look after her man because she is secure. However, lately we have seen that often its not the Man who takes this role Women can be just as strong as Men. But normally what you will find is that, and its often a running joke if this position is filled by the Woman, that there is one person who "wears the trousers". This person has the deciding vote, they are the strong one who while they may not be motherly takes care of their partner.

We have all been brought up with this idea and format in our lives, our parents may follow it, or we see it on TV and in history books.

While some people would argue that this form of partnership can be unhealthy, I disagree (obviously there are exceptions but...ya know) I think that you will find that often these 2 people will compliment each other. The one who "wears the trousers" will stand up for, will care for if needed and will hopefully make the other person more confident. While the slightly more submissive (see what I did there) person will calm down and again care for their Partner...2 sides of a coin each one completing each other.

Think back, look at the relationships you may have or be in that work well or friends you see who are in relationships and see how they work, you may see some similarities.

So, what do I do that's so different. Well I am a Master, I own a slave. I hear you all gasping with horror picturing some roman style slave with no self worth in total fear of me.

Master / slave relations do not work that way. Admittedly there are a percentage of both Masters and slaves out there who want it to work like that, but for the MAJORITY of them it doesn't. For the majority of people the M/s relationships are kinder, more nurturing than say the Victorian husband and wife ones.
Relationships break up for many reasons, but when I look back at my relationships I see confusions. I was in gay relationships and there was always that confusion over where we fitted in...I think people feel the need to be either the trouser wearer in the relationship or not, and there can be pressure to be seen as the one in charge...which can cause arguments if you or your partner are stubborn...if you feel that just, something isn't quite right...and you arnt sure what to expect of each other

What the M/s community have done is effectively set out the boundaries. Most relationships have a power imbalance, we just recognise that. Its not always a full on slave giving away all of his control to the Master, there are gradients.
I know and have always known I am a Master. I know and accept that means that I have taken on responsibility for my slave...and dint let anyone tell you that isn't a frightening thing at times. YOU and YOU SOLELY have the responsibility for that person...its like having a baby (in a non freaky, non AB play way (no my slave does NOT wear a nappy and if he did i would split up with him) its a similar level of responsibility) Yes, my slave is an adult, which means he does think for himself, but in times of trouble he knows I am there to look after him...and its my job to see him through

We have been together for 2 years now, and (i believe partly because of our relationship style) we have not had a blazing row. This isnt to say that he doesnt get on my last nerve at times...or me him...we do. But becase we know where our roles lie it gives us strength in our relationship.

He knows that he is absolutly loved by me, and as I own him I do adore and look after him. I know that as he is my slave and because he loves me, he will do anything for me. Yes that does leave the slave open to abuse but while all relationships are based on trust, M/s relationship need far stronger trust. The more control you have over somone the deeper they need to be able to trust you before they give you that control. Everything should be consentual...and the slave needs to know before they give up the control to the Master that the Master will not abuse that trust and control.

Now im not saying that EVERYONE should suddenly pick a side and stick with it. I am saying however that if you have always felt that you needed to either look after and take care of your partner, possibly to an extent that you didnt think would go down well...or if the reverse is true then think it over. Talk to somone in a M/s relationship and if you dont but you just see one of us around...just think, we arnt that abnormal. Dont confuse M/s relationships with old men in leather who like to just abuse people...look a little deeper

ps...some of us are..but meh :P